Have you seen the Netflix mini-series Adolescence?

It’s raw, unsettling, and deeply important. A fictionalised version of a real-life tragedy, the story of a 13-year-old boy killing a young girl has sparked conversations across living rooms, schools, and newsrooms. The first question everyone seems to ask is: How could this happen?

And the answers often land on the usual suspects: social media, phones, toxic influencers like Andrew Tate.

Watching Adolescence left me with a lingering sense of unease - not just because of the story, but because so much of the public conversation placed the blame solely on social media. It wasn’t until I read Emily Writes’ recent Substack article - where she asks, “Is Andrew Tate the problem, or is the call coming from inside the house?” - that I realised what had been bothering me.

It’s not just what our kids see online. It’s what they’re surrounded by every day.

Because the truth is, toxic masculinity isn't just online. It's in our homes. In our communities. In the language that goes unchecked at family barbecues and on building sites.

It’s in:

• Grandparents and uncles commenting on girls' bodies like it's no big deal
• Mums being dismissed by tradies who by default want to "speak to the man of the house”
• Women being the default to managing the emotional labour in relationships, families, and workplaces
• School dress codes that place the burden on girls not to distract boys
• Politicians who deny the gender pay gap or vote against reproductive rights
• Radio hosts making throwaway sexist jokes on the morning drive, or influencers casually mocking queer and transgender people for laughs
• Everyday conversations that reinforce outdated gender roles; even from women who the same systems have conditioned

This cultural air is the one our kids breathe in every day, and it is filled with quiet, persistent messages about who matters more, who gets to speak, and who gets to feel.

We need to ask: What emotional tools are we giving our boys to navigate this? And more importantly; are we giving them the values, the language, and the safe spaces to challenge it?

And while the core message of Adolescence gives us a confronting window into how dangerous a lack of emotional support and guidance can be for boys, we must also acknowledge something else: girls are hurting too.

Progress for girls and women feels like it's going backwards in many ways - from global rollbacks of reproductive rights, to political leaders who openly belittle women, to an increase in gender-based violence and hate crimes against queer and trans communities.

Girls are navigating an increasingly complex and sometimes hostile world, and they need tools, too. Not just to cope, but to hold their power, speak up, and stay grounded in who they are.

Back in 2019, I wrote a blog about the devastating rise in suicide rates in New Zealand; a number that hit its highest recorded point at the time. What I said then still rings true now:

“Until we can get before-crisis resources into easy reach for everyone, I don’t think the numbers will fall anytime soon.”

We need prevention. We need emotional literacy. We need tools that help kids and teens understand themselves before things fall apart.

The Invisible Decline

When I launched our Resilient ME® Gratitude Journals, I noticed something interesting: Parents were buying them in huge numbers for boys and girls aged 5–12.

But, as those kids reached their teens, the purchase of journals declined, especially for boys. I felt like the message from parents changed.

Not because boys didn’t need support. Not because they didn’t feel.

But because of parental assumptions:

• “He wouldn’t use it.”
• “It’s not his thing.”
• “He wouldn’t be into that.”

But Adolescence reminds us that ignoring those quiet declines has consequences. We put down emotional withdrawal as ‘normal teenage behaviour’. We accept silence as stoicism. We don’t hand boys the tools - and then wonder why they don’t use them.

What if the issue isn’t that boys won’t use emotional resources - it’s that we never gave them the chance?

Emotional Literacy Is Not Gendered

In Adolescence, you see the layers that shape a young boy: his home life, the school, his father, the silence, the rage. There’s no one moment that ‘makes’ him - but a thousand missed ones where something might have helped.

This isn’t about blaming parents. It’s about being honest:

Are we handing our boys emotional tools — or are we unconsciously reinforcing the idea that they don’t need them?

Because just like girls, boys:

• Feel anxiety
• Experience emotional overwhelm
• Struggle with identity, belonging, fear

And just like girls, boys need ways to:

• Understand what they feel
• Express themselves safely
• Build resilience before they reach a crisis

And they need to see other men in their lives modelling that it’s OK to do so.

They need to see the men calling out sexist jokes. Refusing to laugh along. Listening. Learning. Feeling. Repairing.

AND regulating their own emotions!

As mothers, we play a huge role, and the burden often falls on us to be the first role model for emotional safety and regulation. But we can’t and shouldn’t carry this alone. Fathers, uncles, grandfathers, teachers, coaches, have a huge influence on our boys and we need them to step up and show what emotional maturity actually looks like.

What Can We Do Right Now?

🟡 Give them tools. Not just talks. Not just rules. Tools they can pick up and use. Resources that don’t require perfection, only practice.

🟡 Model emotional literacy. Let them see what healthy self-regulation looks like. Let them know it’s OK to feel, to mess up, to reflect, to try again.

🟡 Normalise this stuff. Have card sets on the kitchen table. Use journals at bedtime. Bring emotion words into everyday chats.

That’s why we created our Affirmations & Actions Card Set - simple, visual, playful cards that give kids and teens something to hold, read, and do when feelings are big.

And it’s why our toolkits, like the Resilient Teen Toolkit and the Empower ME Teen Toolkit, are built to offer support before crisis. Tools that are easy to use, screen-free, and science-backed.

Not just for girls. Not just for parents. For everyone.

Empower ME Teen Toolkit Show ME

Resilient Teen Toolkit Show ME

It Starts With Us

If you’re a parent, caregiver, teacher or someone who simply wants to raise emotionally healthy humans, I invite you to reflect on the messages we’re sending our boys and our girls.

If we don’t give them tools, who will? If we don’t model emotional literacy, how will they learn it? If we don’t challenge the misogyny in our homes, our communities, our workplaces, what are we really teaching them?

And if we keep waiting for the crisis before we act, what might we miss?

💛 Let’s do better. Let’s start now. Call it out.

Explore our emotional literacy tools HERE.